Regression Into Tweenage Fangirl

I think that as I'm realizing my age, I'm steadily regressing into all of the things I didn't want to be as a kid in high school. All of the things I thought I was too badass to be (after all, I was and kind of still am a hard rock and metal lovin' girl who plays an electric guitar) or embarrassed to show any kind of positive opinion about. But now, as I've settled into a comfortable embrace with my nerduality, my inner dork, I'm going backwards and developing relationships with pop culture phenomenons that I should by rights be blushing to admit.

However, as you get older, I think, you just stop caring. Everything that was such a big deal in high school is now ridiculous, and I find derision by others infinitely amusing. I take pride in being a strong enough individual that it is impossible to shame me, since I'll just think it's really funny anyway. I mean, I do honestly think that the things people make fun of me about are highly entertaining; my sense of humor is already ironic and self-depracating, and I like it that way. I'd much rather be the butt of a joke that I'm in on than be too afraid to show my personality and the likes/dislikes/characteristics that make me ... well, me.

Besides, as I download the new Britney Spears album Circus, belt showtunes and classical choir pieces, play air guitar to old 3 Doors Down, read the Twilight series and other fantacrap for teenaged girls, I have my only semi-pretentious (I say that with love; she can't help it -- she goes to Brown University!), uber-accomplished, literati sister Su-Yee to be embarrassed for me. So what do I need to be ashamed of? She does it for me and mocks me for it in wry disgust, to balance out the pure, inane joy I take in shaking my ass in the car seat to synthesized basslines that make her hide her face in horror. And I laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

Viva la unabashed nerd!