Call for Courtesy

Cell phone etiquette seems to be something Miss Manners or whatever new-age Emily Post out there should put on the "To Be Addressed" list, since it seems that common courtesy is something that needs to be taught, rather than something to be ingrained in a person. A lot of people seem to think, in typical human egocentricity, that their conversations are extremely important and that people will understand or pardon them. I find that attractive young women and businessmen in expensive suits tend to find themselves exclusive of the most basic rules of politeness, I guess because pretty girls that know they're pretty often find themselves forgiven because they're too pretty to be mad at, and that businessmen, as "captains of industry" and all that just think that they're very important, and a lifetime of getting their whims met further substantiates that entitled-and-exempt rule.

Basic rules need to be laid out, and just for myself, I'm going to do them right here in hopes that one day, someone will have the decency to Google "cell phone etiquette" and stumble upon things that really, really annoy people.

1. Conversation Volume: The people on the other line, even if you whisper, can hear you. As long as you enunciate, I swear, they can really, truly hear you. So don't shout it. It hurts. And it doesn't just hurt the people around you as you yell in close proximity, it hurts the people on the other end, since it comes through screechy and pitchy.
2. Cell-evators: Thank the good Lord that cell phone reception doesn't usually hit more than one bar of service in lifts. However, for those with strong signals, keep in mind that there are many other people in this claustrophobic, enclosed space, and that none of them care about what's going on in your life. No matter how cute you are. In such a small space, sound is amplified, might I add, so even if you're trying to have a private conversation ... it's just not. And there can't possibly be anything so urgent that you can't wait the five minutes it takes to get to a landing an resume your conversation.
3. Personal Soundtracks: They only happen in the movies. Sorry, folks, but blasting gangster rap through a tinny cell phone speaker doesn't make you gangster, it makes you a loser. And also, people should stop to consider that not everyone has the same taste in music as them. For example, the general populace seems to really like Beyonce Knowles. However, the sound of her flat, emotionless voice and repetitive jokes of melodies makes me want to stab myself in the face. Do you want to be responsible for someone being stabbed in the face?
4. Bluetooth: Have we really gotten that lazy that we can't even summon the energy to lift a phone up to the sides of our faces? Instead, we practically paste these little nub-looking devices to our heads, radiating ourselves while thinking we look cool. News flash: it's not that cool. It makes you look like a crazy person walking down the street talking to yourself. And it makes crazy people look like people with Bluetooth headsets. This is dangerous. Someone could get stabbed in the face by a crazy person. Again, do you want to be responsible for someone getting stabbed in the face?
5. Speakerphone: I'm all for speakerphone if you're having a conversation in the privacy of your home or your car and you're doing stuff. Or if you can't hear very well or just can't aim the speaker in the actual phone to your ear-hole because you have coordination issues. That's fine, and I can empathize with having a low physical skill level. But if you're somewhere crowded, please, keep your conversation to yourself. I can't begin to stress enough this: NO ONE CARES.
6. Mobiles in the Mobile: I can always pick out who's on their cell while driving without even looking at the passenger. It's the person going ten miles under the speed limit, swerving a little bit, stopping short, thinking really deeply about making that right turn, cutting someone off as they enter traffic, and has zero knowledge about how to use their blinker(s). Or, they're just a driver from Texas. But if you have that hard of a time focusing on the road, maybe you should GET OFF YOUR PHONE! All joking aside, this is so dangerous, and one misstep because you were so busy chatting or texting and gesticulating about could result in someone losing their life. And if your hand were free, maybe you could use that handy-dandy turning signal to tell someone you needed to get into the lane rather than barrelling into the lane and forcing the people behind you to stop short to avoid a pileup. Or, better yet, if you weren't on your phone and paying attention, you would have realized you needed to change lanes.
7. Celling in the Workplace: Dude ... just don't do it. Or step out of the office. It looks really unprofessional, unless it's a work-associated phone and you're an AE, President, PR rep, or other occupation that requires you to be available 24/7. But anyway, it's a great way to look like you're having a personal conversation during work time and that's an awesome way to get your ass fired.
8. At a Place of Business: It's extremely rude to continue a conversation with a person when nearing the front of a line, and even more rude to do so on the phone. The person in front of you gets priority, and if you're at a restaurant/drive-through/check-out counter/cashier/coffee shop, that means they SHOULD have priority since you came to their space to see them, explicitly. Also, there are people behind you waiting, so wrap it up! Even if you're not super hungry/thirsty/rushed/etc., someone else may be. Consider that.
9. When "Supervising" Children: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that when a parent is watching their child, they should ACTUALLY be "watching" said child. Too often, in public places, you see kids running amok, crying, banging into people, pulling items from shelves, or other types of behavior that, in my youth, were deemed unacceptable, while their parents are chattering about their nudist gay neighbors whose rooster kept them up last night. Realistically, even the people that try to control their kids have a hard time doing so when on the phone, and it's extremely unpleasant for the other person on the phone to listen to you barking orders every few minutes, interrupting your actual conversation. Your friend is far too polite to say it, but it truly is obnoxious. However, I will reiterate, this is not worse than ignoring the bad behavior of the child (which is probably spurred from the adult's negligent care and lack of attention), for whom the poor people who work at the said public place will have to clean up after, or keep an eye on to avoid a lawsuit.
   

Anyway, that's all I've got for now, but it's a good start, right? I hope I'm not the only one that gets extremely annoyed by this type of behavior, and that preserving common courtesy will again become a focus as cell phones continue to be a dominating part of their lives. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a Cell Saint all the time, but I'm just putting out a general call to action for people to at least recognize that some behavior is simply not acceptable and is disruptive to the people around them, who have enough of their own shit to deal with without having to listen to your drama in the elevator.

I believe in a friendly world, but TMI is always a little TMI.